i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
