Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
