We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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