If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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