I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
