I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
