Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
