So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
