Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
