My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
