I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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