my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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