I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
