No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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