It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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