remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
