then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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