He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
