Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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