his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Less talking, more tequila
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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