i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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