i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
