I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
