you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
