its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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