He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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