You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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