He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
