At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
