please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
