You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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