I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
