I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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