just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
