i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
whose parrot is this?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
