Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
