Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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