break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
