I didn't shave. On purpose
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
