There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
