two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
