I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
