Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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