You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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