He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
