I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
be right there i have to get my cape
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
