There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize