i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
