One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
