Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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