That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
