I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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