i think my mom watched the whole time
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
