Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
