Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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