dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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