Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
