I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
