so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
