It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I CAN MOONWALK!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
