He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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