I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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