dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
