My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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