Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
