it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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