I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
