I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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