you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
