Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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