I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
