Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
