I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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