Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
