I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
