Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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