You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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