I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
