Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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