If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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