Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
