so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
