Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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