So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
