dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
