3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
