I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
