Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
