Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
