5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
