Porn is love you can see.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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