I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
