Nicole vs. Life
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
