They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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