singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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