guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize