Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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